Mom, You Matter!

Has anyone ever told you that you were unworthy, not enough, or that you didn’t matter?

I’m sure more often than not, you have been told either one of these; whether it be from a family member, a friend, or even a teacher. However, there is one person who whispers in our ears and if we aren’t careful, we listen to what he says and that is none other than the devil.

The devil would like nothing more for mothers than to see them fail at what they’ve been given. 

Moms have such a great influence whether they believe it to or not and whether they admit it or not. I mean, can you imagine a world without moms? I can’t, because that is impossible!

Mothers have a role that play a big part in the puzzle that we call Life. Without them, life would definitely be incomplete and be missing that one vital piece.

Now, there may be a few men reading this who play the role as both mother and father in the lives of their children. Please don’t shut me out.

From someone like me who was raised by a Father the majority of my life, I can honestly tell you that YOU MATTER! If you ever feel like you’re alone, remember that you are not. God is there to help you and guide you!

Psalm 16:11 says, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

Sure, you may not be able to meet the same needs as a Mother would, but if single-parenting is what God has put your way, all you can do is make the best with what you have.

Being raised by my dad for almost 20 years before my Mom came into the picture physically, did not result in the worst life ever for me. In fact, I am the person I am today because of the trials that God allowed me to face and the choices I made.

I admit that there were times when I questioned God because all my friends had a mom they could confide in, talk to whenever they were going through a girl-problem, or walk them down the aisle, Was it right for me to do that? NO. Was it human? YES.

And that is exactly what we are, Moms. 

WE ARE HUMAN. We make mistakes. We fail everyday and a lot of times, we become discontent with how we look. Now, don’t get me wrong. If you can better yourself, I’m all for you. But what I mean is, we tend to compare ourselves with other moms. We see how they seem to “have-it-all” together and here we are, barely “having it!”

“Although the pictures we see on Social Media can be worth a thousand words, many times, they don’t show ALL THE WORDS.” J.Cabal

A mom can have a smile on and the world can think she’s the happiest person but in reality, she can be struggling with something.

A mom can seem like she has the best job ever when in reality she’s barely making ends meet.

A mom can look like she has the “perfect life” with the “perfect family” but who are we kidding? There is no such thing!

We all have been given different lives but one thing we have in common is motherhood or parenthood.

The Bible says in Luke 12:48b, “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required:” 

We can all agree that being a mom is a great blessing if not the greatest, which means that it is considered “MUCH.” And according to that verse, when much is given, much is required.

I don’t mean to put a lot of pressure but I’m just quoting the Bible.

GOD REQUIRES A LOT FROM US. You can take that as something to encourage you to be a better mom or you can ignore it and reap the results of YOUR PARENTING, without Biblical wisdom or guidance.

If God has given us such an important role, then that must mean one thing: WE MATTER!

MOMS, WE MATTER! We are more important than we sometimes believe. Your words matter and your actions matter! How you say something and when you say something matters! How you treat your spouse and how you talk to your spouse matters!

Your love, care, support, prayers, advice, and time matter! So…

Love unconditionally! 

Care Sincerely! 

Support Consistently! 

Pray Fervently! 

Advise when Necessary! 

And Give of your Time Willingly! 

I’ll end with this. God can easily do anything. He doesn’t NEED us but He wants to USE us for the sole purpose of bringing glory to His name! To be used of God is a privilege, not an obligation, which is why we have a choice. We can choose to let Him lead us or we can choose to be led by something or someone else. Whatever we choose, don’t forget, our choice will affect our children because WE MATTER and WHAT WE DO MATTERS!

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5 Phrases Your Child Says & What They Mean

If you didn’t already know, I have two daughters; one who will be three in April and the other who turned one last year in October. Lately, I’ve been thinking about Words and the importance of them.

As a parent, we could either use our words wisely or foolishly.

“Our words can be helpful or hurtful.”

I have been observing my first-born and have noticed several phrases that she says and if I’m not careful, they’re just sounds rather than words with meaning.

If you can relate to me, I’d appreciate it if you would share this post to remind other moms & dads the importance of our words.

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“MOMMY / DADDY, LOOK AT ME!”

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They need AND want your attention. Children need AND want to know that they are being noticed; that someone is watching them and realizing their accomplishments or milestones in life. I am so guilty of being on my phone, sometimes around my children; (whether it be for work or to be on social media). While those aren’t necessarily bad, I wonder what my toddler thinks when I’m on my phone rather than pay attention to her? Moms, let’s do better and be better for them. The phone can wait… but the time with your child cannot be taken back.

“I DID IT, MOMMY / DADDY!”

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I didn’t have my mom around, growing up. I left the Philippines to come to the US, along with my dad & older sibling when I was 5 and we left my mom and two younger siblings. I didn’t get to say the words, “I did it, Mommy” when I got an award or won something at school. My dad was in the Military and most of my elementary to Jr. high years, my dad wasn’t around either.  So I didn’t get the “Praise” or “Congratulations” that I longed for…

Now, that I have my own family and am raising my two wonderful daughters with my amazing husband, I am careful to constantly give praise, encouragement, or congratulations when I hear the words, “I did it, Mommy!” However, I know that there is always room for improvement.

Children long for you to praise them; to let them know that YOU SAW the great deed that they did. Whether it be obeying you, helping you do chores around the house, or sharing with others, children want to hear something from you when they do or say something right. They want affirmation. I read online recently that “the lack of both parents’ affirmation leaves some children emotionally crippled.”

While I was emotionally effected that I didn’t have both of parents’ affirmation, I am so thankful that my Almighty God did not forsake me. (Psalm 27:10) And it is only by God’s grace that I am what I am today.

Not only do children want you to praise them, but they want you to sincerely mean what you say. They`want to see on your face that whatever comes out of your mouth is genuine, not two-faced or double-standard, which leads us to our next phrase…

“THAT’S BAD-BAD, MOMMY/ DADDY!”

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           Whether you like it or not or whether you believe it or not, you are your child’s role model. They look up to you for most, if not everything. Whatever you say, whatever you like, whatever you listen to or watch, they want to have a part in that. They truly believe in their heart that their mom and dad are the best people in the world (unless of course, they are hypocrites – they say one thing but do the exact opposite). In the case of hypocrisy… well, that’s for another blog post!

Children are smarter than we think. They catch on to the littlest things we do or say. Not only do you make it difficult for your child to respect you, but it becomes difficult on the family as a whole when the parents act differently from what they say.

We are not against Technology. In fact, my husband and I love it and are so appreciative of it! My daughter uses our iPad to watch videos on Youtube. If there is a certain song or type of song or video that comes on and Mommy & Daddy don’t approve of it, she knows to change it… Sometimes, she needs to be reminded but if you start training your children early enough, they’ll catch on. If you have children that are already in school and you feel like it’s too late to start training them, then friend, let me tell you that it’s not. There’s always hope. It probably won’t be as easy as if you had done it sooner but it’s NEVER too late to start. AND DON’T FORGET TO BE CONSISTENT and don’t let them get away with anything!

“I’M SORRY, MOMMY/ DADDY.”

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       Kids will be kids. They do foolish things at times but that isn’t a reason for us parents to love them less. In fact, it’s for us to show them more love. When a child says, “I’m sorry,” they are demonstrating humility. They understand that what they did wasn’t acceptable. However, it should’t stop there. As parents, we should ask them (don’t tell them, unless they really, absolutely do not know why) if they know what they did wrong. After asking them, we should tell them that when they do something wrong, it doesn’t just affect them. It hurts Mommy, Daddy, Jesus, and whomever they hurt or offended.

Remember, no one is perfect. You and I both make mistakes. So let’s stop expecting our children to be something they aren’t. They are still learning just as we are as parents. No one has this “Parenting Thing” down and neither is any child an expert at being a child. In addition, each child is different. God made each person unique. Some learn quicker, others slower; Some need more attention than others. So let’s not expect or treat them like they’re perfect, because that will only make things worse.

“MOMMY / DADDY, PLEASE HELP ME.”

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One thing I love and sometimes “dislike” (just because I don’t want use the word, hate) about children is their dependency on us as parents. When I first became a mom in 2014, I loved that my child depended on me to carry her, comfort her, and adore her but there were times when I was so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep but she wanted to eat, play, get her diaper changed, or be carried.

As the years went by, my first-born learned to be a little less dependent on me and a little more dependent on herself. Now, she can feed herself, go to the potty (still with a little assistance getting onto the toilet), and play house with her toys. All this self-dependency comes in handy when I want to take a nap or get some chores done.

But when I hear those words, “Please help me,” my child is trying to get her message across to me that she needs assistance or maybe just a little boost (physically or mentally) to accomplish something. What I love about doing this is hearing her next words, “Thank you, Mommy!” They are dependent on you for some things but when you assist them, they learn how to appreciate you and the help you give them. You don’t have to always tell them,“When someone helps you or does something nice for you, say ‘Thank you’,  you can just show them in your everyday life and they will catch on and remember that.

There will be times when they ask for your help when you are busy; you either have to tell them to be patient and wait till Mommy /Daddy is done or stop whatever you are doing and help them. I am guilty of sometimes getting frustrated when my LG asks for help during the “wrong times” (at least in my book), but she sees that and she remembers it. It may even cause her to think that asking for help is a bad thing when it really isn’t. Then, when we ask them, “Why didn’t you ask for my help?” They are thinking to themselves, “Well, when I asked you for help last time, you were too busy” or “I thought it was wrong to ask you for help.”

So, the next time your child asks for your help, do it lovingly and joyfully.

In conclusion,

  • Our words can either HELP or HURT others.
  • Your children WANT and NEED your attention; make sure you are watching them and realizing their accomplishments and milestones in life.
  • A word of encouragement can go a long way; Build your children up; don’t tear them down.
  • Children are smarter than we think or care to admit. They learn a lot more by what they SEE, rather than what they HEAR. Be an example that they would be proud to follow.
  • Kids will be kids. They will do foolish things which is why God has placed PARENTS in their lives – to teach and train them.
  • The days may seem long at times but the years are short. Cherish the moments with your children. Don’t get frustrated when your children depend on you. You have the opportunity to show them the Greatest love of all, Christ’s love and how we also depend on Him as our Heavenly father.

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***Don’t forget to share this post on Facebook and Pinterest if you found it to be helpful.

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Consistency

Have you ever wondered why REMINDERS are vital? I sure have. I constantly need to be reminded of almost everything. I think I have short-term memory, which is why when I am asked to do something, I either need to write it down or get it done right then and there… If I don’t, I will forget about it.

Am I the only one like that? Please tell me I am not alone…

A while back, I wrote my first post for my Building Blocks of Better Parenting SeriesLiking, Loving, & Laboring. Well, today will be about Consistency.

I have an almost 3-year old toddler (LG) and a 1-year old (AJ). My LG has been growing up way too fast…She’s so imaginative and girly. She loves to pretend she is EVERY PRINCESS and that she is having tea with her friends… A few weeks ago, I was face timing my Mom who lives in Michigan and my LG comes up to me with her backpack on and says, “Bye!” I asked her where she was going and she said, “To the airport…”

I respond, “Aww…are you going to visit ‘Grandma G’ in Michigan?

She replies, “Yes, Mommy… Bye!”

I respond, “Bye, Baby. I love you!”

WOW!!!  I mean where did this girl even learn the word, “airport” from? It’s pretty awesome though!

I can’t even remember when my husband and I started teaching her to pray… but we pray before we eat and before we go to sleep and if LG & AJ are watching something on YOUTUBE Kids, we tell them to PAUSE it.

WHY? Simply, because we want them to understand the importance and seriousness of praying. 

Maybe a year ago or so, my MIL was surprised when she was babysitting LG. They were about to eat and LG already knew that she was supposed to PAUSE if she was watching or doing something… and she did. When I was told this, I knew that my husband and I were doing at least ONE THING right in this parenting journey. (Can I get an ‘AMEN’?!?)

Now, does that mean that she doesn’t need to be reminded? Of course not. Right now, we are CONSTANTLY REMINDING her to say, “Please & Thank you.” I mean, if you haven’t experienced it yet, children can be very demanding! My LG will sometimes say, “Mommy, get it!”and being the “Firm Mommy” that I’ve always wanted to be (haha), I reply, “I’m sorry, LG… what did you say?” She repeats it and I respond with, “Mommy, may you please help me get it?”

The first time she TOLD me to do something, I was like… “Uhh… I’m sorry, you don’t TELL Mommy what to do. You can ASK Mommy something…but you don’t DEMAND.”

WHY? Because as the parent, YOU are the one that should have the AUTHORITY. Of course, you don’t abuse that authority… but you use it to eventually train them to know and understand that there is a Higher Authority – God.

So for all those parents who may be wondering if you’re doing things right, if there’s anything I can say, it’s BE CONSISTENT & be consistent in teaching and training the right way. Many parents are consistent but if they’re not careful, the have the wrong consistency. Think about it like cooking… there are different foods that require certain types of consistency. Have you ever had a milkshake that had the wrong consistency – that was watery and wasn’t thick enough? I might have… and it wasn’t very desirable! (But the ones pictured below look delicious!)

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“Failure to have the right consistency results in the incorrect desired product.”

As Christians, my husband and I use the Bible as our guide…and we use it to help us raise our children the right way. Does that mean that my girls are going to be perfect or “holy-holy?” Not necessarily. But the Bible does say in Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I know we have a while until our kids are old enough to think for themselves and make their own decisions but the time may be here sooner than we know and it’s our duty (and privilege) to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

QUOTES FOR REINFORCEMENT:

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.”  Anthony Robbins
“Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.” Jim Rohn
“It’s not what we do once—it’s what we do once a day…day in and day out…every day that brings lasting change into our lives.” Toni Sorenson
“Consistency, constancy, and undeviating diligence to maintain Christian character are a must if the older generation is to command respect, or even a hearing, from the young.” Billy Graham

So, whether you’re the “role-model” parent, the parent that’s struggling to train your children the right way, a new parent, an “honorary” (foster) parent, or one that’s always desired to be parent but can’t have children, please remember that PARENTING is not an overnight thing. It takes work and many times, results don’t appear until years later.

It’s a continuous process and one that requires doing the same things, day in and day out.

So, Mom, Dad, STICK WITH IT and know that what you’re doing matters and is worth it.

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 “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

Stop Being a Continual Dropping!

Repetition is the key to learning, right?… or wrong?

I have found this to be a little controversial in marriage with one specific area…(at least in MY marriage). I’m sure most, if not all wives have “NAGGED” their husbands at one time or another during their marriage. I, for sure am guilty of it.

Nagging has a ripple affect just as raindrops do. You start and then you just go on and on and on… even about the really minute things!

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Whether it be my husband leaving clothes on the floor, leaving a light on, forgetting to hang something up, so on and so forth; I have nagged him and I’m actually surprised he hasn’t said anything back in our almost 4 years of marriage; at least nothing that would be considered as “biting back.”  (He knows better.. Just kidding!)

He has graciously accepted my nagging.

Now, before you judge my husband, I encourage you to read this article I found recently about not being a “Butthole Wife.” The Title may sound a little funny but it was such a great reminder to me, as I am sure it will be to you.

As a former Elementary teacher, Repetition was a key method to use for a lot of things… However, we can’t treat our spouses like our Elementary students (even when they act like it).

At this moment, you may be wondering what a “CONTINUAL DROPPING” is.

No, it’s not when a bird poos continuously, or when your newborn baby has non-stop diaper changes… or when you have diarrhea! Haha!

I looked up the phrase, “Continual Dropping” in the Bible and found it twice in the Book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 27:15 -“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”

It’s been raining a lot here at our place and I actually have enjoyed it (mainly because the sun still manages to come out). Now, if it rained here for a whole week straight… I may not enjoy it as much.

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If you think about it, if you’re the type of wife, fiance, or girlfriend that is constantly nagging your other half, I’m sure that relationship will be full of strife. Just as a continuous rainy day may not be as enjoyable, a contentious woman is the same – she’s not really an easy one to live or deal with.

Proverbs 19:13b – “…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.”

I can’t even remember how many times I’ve nagged my husband, and caused contention between us… mainly for me because I set certain expectations that my husband doesn’t really obtain; not because he doesn’t want to but because our priorities for certain things may not be on the same level. For example, after coming home from a long day’s work, my husband may just want to change into comfortable clothes right away to spend time with our girls…Now, I, on the other hand, may want him to help me clean up around the house. (Of course, some of you may be thinking that we just need to communicate that to each other) But that’s not my point… my point is… his higher priority coming home from work is to spend time with our two daughters whom he hasn’t seen all day… And honestly, I would rather prefer that than arguing with him about his leaving clothes on the floor.

Lately, I’ve been thinking… how can I NOT BE a continual dropping as a wife and as a mother?

So, here are 3 ways that I have been “trying.”

  1. Thank God for giving you another day to live. I am positive those that passed away at the airport shooting in Florida weren’t anticipating it to be their last day. It really breaks my heart that someone would do something like that, with no thought of the sanctity of human life. I pray for their families. Each day that is granted to us is a blessing from God and this is a blessing that sadly, many of us forget to thank God for. But how different would our days go if we started with a grateful heart? I’m sure they wouldn’t be perfect all the time but we get to choose how we react to the tasks that we are given or the obstacles that come our way.

828dc91d8dafae6d9eb5d22ecdeb2dadanother day.png2. Treat every day with your spouse and your children as if it was your last day with them…  I have been saddened to hear news of people passing away because of illnesses or dying due to car accidents, weather accidents, etc. If we just thought about each day as it were our last with those that mean the most to us, I am POSITIVE that we would live it differently and treat “THEM” differently AND better!

Sometimes, there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances..png3. Train yourself to walk in someone else’s shoes for  “a mile.” Ok, I don’t mean that “mile” part literally but I won’t stop you if you choose to. But really, before we judge someone or treat someone a certain way, think about how their day went (at work, at school, at home…) or what trials they may be going through. How sad would it be for a husband or wife to be treated better at their workplace than at home, right? But sadly, it happens EVERY DAY! A home should be a place that people should look forward to, not dread! The next time you feel frustrated because of your spouse’s lack of _____________ (you fill in the blank)… think about how their day was at work (it may not have gone as well as you think). Or the next time you get angry at your children for doing _____________ or not doing ___________(you fill in the blanks), think about how they feel when both of their parents work… or when they’ve been cooped up in the house “ALL DAY.”

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So, if you’re a wife or mother, (especially) I encourage you to

Stop Being a Continual Dropping!

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BECAUSE IN THE END, You’ll realize that it was just a waste of your time.

Time that you could’ve used to enjoy picking up those clothes on the floor.

Time that you could’ve used to just “see the need, take the lead” and turn off the unused lights or hang something up.

Time that you could’ve used teaching and forgiving rather than being angry and regretting what you said later on to your little child who was innocent and just needed a little encouragement or push to do the right thing.

TIME…. that unfortunately, you cannot take back. You have already lost it and there is no re-do button.

Instead, you can just press forward with the REMINDER that

TIME IS VALUABLE AND MUST BE SPENT WISELY.

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My TWO & A HALF year old teacher…

Hi Friends!

I apologize for the lack of blog posts. It has been a crazy week already, which began last week (before Thanksgiving). Let’s be honest, Thanksgiving Break isn’t really a “break” when you’re cooking, cleaning, moving out, or preparing for a busy week of “Viewing” Services for people that have passed away. TWO Families from our church lost a loved one on the same day – and in addition, 2 days BEFORE Thanksgiving…  😦

Please keep them in your prayers, especially as the Holiday Season is upon us.

On another note…

Today was the start of a “Weekly Routine” that I would like to do with my children. On Wednesdays, I don’t go into work until the afternoon and I didn’t really see how much could be accomplished and how many memories could be made on days like these… UNTIL TODAY!

As usual, we got up, ate breakfast, watched a little “Kid’s Netflix” and got ready for a Fun Day. Lately, my oldest daughter, LG, has been saying how she’s tired after waking up from a good night’s rest or an afternoon nap…

 Uhm… I’m thinking, “Girl, why you tired?” LOL!

Well, after FINALLY getting ready, we headed out!

BabyGirl AJ wasn’t having it in her carseat. She cried the whole ride to the park (which was like 5 minutes… haha)

And when we finally got there, I was so excited to have the whole park all. to. ourselves! (Woot Woot!)

We got in… and LG (who is 2 1/2) went straight for the slides! AJ (who just turned 1 in October) was playing with and trying to eat the stuff on the ground…

I mean, Can they  be ANY MORE different?!?

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After a good hour or so of playing on the slides, swings, and dirt… 

I told LG that it was time to go…

She said, “Shure up, Mommy!”

I thought to myself, Did she just tell me to “Shut up?”  Wanting to make sure I didn’t hear that, I asked her again what she had said and she said…

“Chuur up, MOMMY!”

Phew! I was so glad she didn’t say, “Shut up!” I was relieved but also curious about why my 2 1/2 year-old was telling me to C-H-E-E-R     U-P…

But then it hit me… When I was telling her that it was time to go… I must’ve had a sad face. And she knew to tell me, “CHEER UP!”

I thought to myself, “Weren’t you just born yesterday?!? PLEASE stop growing too fast!”

I’ve heard story after story about children who are grown, thanking their MOM for the love & INFLUENCE she gave them.

And TODAY was just a reminder TO ME that “Mommy-ing” isn’t easy but is definitely worth it.

Have you heard the saying, “Do as I say, not as I do?”

Well, if you haven’t, there you go!  As I was thinking about MOTHERHOOD, I thought about some things my LG was picking up from me – like mannerisms.

I’m the type of person that when frustrated or angry could say things that I will end up regretting. But lately, it’s what I’ve done.

Some times, when the kids spill something, I can get “in the flesh”  or “on the edge” (as pictured below) and not really yell or curse (NO! NO!) but I get disgruntled and I “Grunt” or say “Ugh” and sadly, I’ve heard LG say that and when I hear it, it’s not pleasing to the ears.

AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I SOUND if I’m not careful.

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This picture can be misleading! They were really enjoying themselves but just ended up like this when I took the picture. AJ was almost falling asleep. LOL!

So there she was at the park, telling me to “CHEER UP!” Inside of me, there was some excitement as I’v never heard her say those words before but also some sadness that she’s quickly growing up and quickly picking up on everything… what she watches, what she sees, hears, gets exposed to.

As parents, we need to be careful how we live. If we want our children to turn out right, then we need to set a good example because we are their ROLE MODELS whether we like it or not. We can’t expect what we don’t inspectLead by example and be a good example.

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So my point is… Don’t let it be too late for you to start TEACHING your children…

THE RIGHT THINGS

THE RIGHT WAY

AT THE RIGHT TIME… and that time is NOW!

I thank God that He used my little toddler to TEACH ME a lesson about motherhood today.

 

 

 

Liking, Loving, Laboring – #1

“I LOVE YOU, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE YOU.”

Many of us have heard this saying; we have either been at the receiving end, giving end, or just the hearing end of this saying. Personally, I have said these words jokingly to either my husband or a friend before. Although some may not take these words offensive, there are always those who take everything, LITERALLY.

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Being a mother has its perks. Some days are just my absolute favorites and other days are just too much for me to handle. I have 2 girls and they keep me on my toes or on my bed… (I prefer the latter)

In general, females are HIGH MAINTENANCE. I mean, just think about the time it takes for us to get ready.

A. Long. Time.

Ok, maybe not ALL THE TIME. But the majority of women spend some time doing their hair and putting make-up on. On most days, I wish I had a magic wand to just wave and make myself ready in “no time”.

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Many people “enter” parenthood the same way.They read all the books on what to do and what not to do as a parent and expect their child to be just like every other child or like the good ol’ child that was described in some book they read. But reality is we can’t just wave a magic wand and !BOOM! our child is the child we’ve always dreamed of having.

You can read all the books about Parenting and still have a rebellious, disobedient child. It’s not about what you read but about applying what you read.

As a mom, I have to constantly remind myself of 3 things:

  1. I don’t have to like everything that my child does.
  2. I still have to love my child even when they’re unlovable.
  3. Parenting takes work. I labor DAILY, without pay – at least monetary pay… but the rewards of good and consistent parenting will pay off in dividends. (Money can’t even compare!)

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LIKING.

As humans, we naturally have likes and dislikes.

I dislike it when my eldest, LG, “bothers” me when I’m doing something. I’m the type of person that has high expectations and expects most, if not all people to have common sense.

Ridiculous, right? Absolutely! I cannot expect something like that just because I have it. 

It’s unfortunate because sometimes, I forget that my daughter is only 2 1/2 years old. All her little mind knows and wants is attention – Especially Mommy’s attention. 

She just desires Mommy to get off her phone and pay attention to the “imaginary” bed that she made out of legos for her toy princess. 

She longs to hear Mommy say, “Wow, Great Job, Baby!” after putting away her toys or sharing with her sister.

She assumes that Mommy is watching her organize her princesses by color and anticipates being praised for the great work and time she put into that organization.

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I could write a list of things that I don’t like my daughters doing, but you probably already get the point. If you were to make a list, we would probably have some similarities.

My point is, as a parent you will always find something that you don’t like about your child’s doings, but we shouldn’t dwell on those dislikes. Rather, we should teach them WHY we don’t like certain things or doings and PRAISE them for the things we do like.

That’s why, we as parents need to set a good example. 

Children get enough negativity maybe at school, through television, or through social media. They don’t need more of it AT HOME!

You can decide beginning today…

Instead of seeing the things you don’t like about your child or what he/she does, see the LIKES. You don’t have to like everything he does, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things to like. 

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LOVING.

Love doesn’t come naturally to us. We have to work at it. In fact, I see “UNLOVING” all the time – with myself, with my children, with neighbors, with family members, with church members (sad to say), etc.

I wrote a blog entitled, Loving the Unlovable a while back. Every one of us has encountered someone who was unlovable. But we’ve forgotten that BEHIND EVERY UNLOVABLE PERSON is someone who just longs to be loved, cared for, appreciated. I’ve been that kind of person. Not that I had unloving family members; I knew and I know that I have loving parents and siblings, uncles and aunts, cousins; but we just weren’t the type to “SHOW” our love.

We rarely said the 3 important words – I LOVE YOU. In fact, the FIRST time I remember saying those words to my dad was when I was a Freshmen in college!!! (Crazy, right?!?) Now, I say it every time I talk to him, especially since he lives in Michigan.

One way I can explain UNLOVABLE is through my daughter’s actions. This little girl is so special to me! After all, she made me a “Mom!” Over the past two years, I have come to realize the kind of personality she has. She is one of the sweetest little kids I know, maybe not to strangers, but definitely to me and those closest to her. She has such a sensitive and tender heart all wrapped up with a spunky attitude. However, there have been times when she has not been loving, especially to her little sister.

See for yourself…

She has pushed her little sister simply because AJ wanted to play with the same toys she was playing with.

She has “dissed” people who were kind and wanted to just say, “Hi.” (WHY? I’m still trying to figure that out)

She has done “the crying act” to try to get what she wanted. (Doesn’t work with me; maybe with Daddy, but definitely not with me!)

Not surprisingly, but she has officially marked the word “NO” as her favorite word. (I am teaching her that it’s ok to say “No” sometimes… but do so by saying, “No, thank you.”

I’m sure this list could get longer as she gets older, but one thing does not change – the fact that I love her. Regardless of what she does, even if I don’t like it, should not make me LOVE HER LESS. In fact, it should make me LOVE HER MORE. Why? Because, Love covers the multitude of sins.

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Jesus demonstrated his love for us on the cross, WHILE WE WERE SINNERS. (Romans 5:8)

—> He didn’t wait for us to change into a better person.

—> He didn’t wait for us to ask for forgiveness.

“His love for us is so immense that even in our darkest and most sinful state, His love will never lessen or cease. ” – JudyLynn  Cabal

You can decide beginning today…

I will love my child even when he is unlovable. I will love him simply because God loves me. There will be many times when your child will be unlovable, but those are the times that he needs the most loving.

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LABORING

WORK. A norm in almost everyone’s life. “

One who does not work cannot eat.”

There’s a truth to that quote. Literally, if you don’t put in some work, you can’t eat. (Sadly, here in America people who don’t work are getting access to a lot of “FREE” stuff and the ones that are negatively affected are the ones working —> still boggles my mind!) 

Another interpretation, if you don’t work, you will not be able to enjoy the “fruits” of your labor.

Can you imagine giving birth to a child and then just leaving him to himself?

Wow! What if that child was supposed to be the next President of the United States, or the next Best Singer, or the next Preacher, etc.?

People CHOSE to make irresponsible decisions like the one mentioned because they don’t want to take responsibility – responsibility for raising, feeding, clothing, teaching, mentoring, and loving that child. 

I can’t imagine myself doing that but sadly it does happen –  All. The. Time.

I had a greater respect for my parents once I became a parent. Parenting is a lot of work and it’s HARD WORK. Sure, there are times when it seems like a “breeze” but other times, it seems like the day can’t go any slower.

As parents, we have to keep in mind that we have little humans depending on us FOR EVERYTHING – food, clothes, baths, rides to school, work, or the mall, and eventually, a CAR! (for toddlers – candy, prizes, rewards, etc) Those are the tangible things.

The intangible things – life’s lessons, wisdom, instruction, guidance, praise, happiness, joy, etc.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

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No doubt, I haven’t been at this parenting thing for long but I’ve seen enough and different kinds of parenting styles that I would like to emulate but also some kinds I plan to avoid.

You can decide beginning today…

I will stick with it. I will be consistent. I will discipline if you have to.

Be their friend but more importantly, be their parent. 

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No doubt, you will make mistakes, but who doesn’t? 

There is NO PERFECT PARENT. You learn along the way and while learning, don’t forget to labor.

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By God’s Grace,

judylynn